I Wasn't Ready for This

At dinner (it seems to be always at dinner, our time together) we were having a great time, talking and laughing, then Victoria tells us she can spell sex... *gasp*... yes, remember this post here where she just turned 8? Right, so she went on to spell it and I asked what it meant. She looks at me, like if saying, you don't know? And I asked again, what does that mean? if you're saying it you must know what it means, so she says, all chicky, it's when a boy kisses a girl! *relief*. It wasn't over though... no... not over...

She continues on... I know how a baby is born... and I was thinking, ok, let her think it's the kiss thing, and she starts to laugh, and when I asked how, she says, that a boy's private touches a girl's private!!!!!!!!!! Rachel told her, well... Rachel is also 7 or 8!!!!! Can you imagine how I was freaking out inside??? All I wanted was pizza tonight...

I started laughing, that nervous laugh and she asked if that was true, without thinking I said yes. I didn't really mean to, but I didn't know what to say. It wasn't expected. I didn't have a speech planned. For Santa, I have a speech, for the tooth fairy too, but that? The S.E.X word??? I don't! I didn't!

Now it's too late, it's happened. So, to make it even better at the end, she said: Please don't tell me that this is what happened between you and dad. And I did my um, um, um thing, not knowing what the heck to say, I said it was bath time and that she had to go, like NOW!

And I sit here wondering, will she remember this conversation? Have I traumatized her forever? What the heck do parents say to this question? Why are 8 year olds talking about that? Am I a bad mum? A bad person?

I mean, I consider myself pretty open minded, but... seriously, this was tough.

I'm Selfish Because...

SELFISH

...

  • I want my daughter to be happy
  • I want my daughter to never be abused by any man
  • I want my daughter to never be ashamed of herself
  • I want my daughter to be respected, by being who she is
  • I want my daughter to succeed
  • I want my daughter to have high self-esteem
  • I want my daughter to be confident
  • I want my daughter to rise above peer pressure
  • I want my daughter to be held accountable for he actions

Yes, I am selfish, even if this is unrealistic, I want her to have it all. There will be times that she will get hurt and she won't have it all,  but it doesn't make me want it any less.

On this International Women's Day, I wish for all women and men the same that I wish for my daughter, no shame, high self-esteem, and happiness...

 

My now 8 Year Old

So, there, she's turning 8 today. victoria

 

She has turned my life upside down and back up again. I went from not having a clue how to even start figuring out how a baby works (still clueless on that department) to enjoying her company more than I ever imagined I would.

victoria1

 

I wake up thinking of her, and I fall asleep laughing about something funny she said or did. This little girl cracks me up. She is a girly girl princess one day and a mixture of spider man and start wars the next. She plays with cars and dolls, balls and bicycles, climbs trees and is learning cheerleading. But no matter what, her favorite color has always been and still is PINK, which pains me, but I couldn't be happier to be her mum.

victoria2

 

Victoria, I love you more than you will ever know. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and that your life brings you all that you ever wish for.

Mamma

What is a Mum to Do

I had another post in mind I was going to do today, but I just came back from my daughter's school as I had to drop her off and ask the teacher a question, well, it turns out that my question lead to me learning that my daughter is 3rd to last in a classroom of 25 kids in reading!!!! I'm shocked and I can't believe it. But thinking back, maybe I can. So, something MUST change in this household!!! There will be a lot more reading going on.

Victoria was always a kid that claimed she didn't like reading, but towards the end of last year, she started enjoying it and even changed her tune, which I was ever so grateful and happy for. In school they provided tutoring, and she really enjoyed that, so I thought things were changing and she was improving. I saw an improvement.... Now it turns out that it must have been in my head because she is way below where she should be and I am going a bit crazy trying to figure out ways to make her read more without turning her off of books completely!!!

I guess I don't understand it because I've always liked reading, from the moment I could put letters together, I was always reading everything that popped in front of me, I loved the fact that I could make sense of the world around me. I do realize I have not been doing as much reading now as I did before, especially in front of Victoria.

So, here is another New Year's goal. 2015 will be the year of reading in my household!!!  Oh yes!

Pictures like these make me happy

20141123_195204

Such a Bad Mum (Mom)

This is how I felt today and how I feel many times over during this motherhood thing. Today's episode was that my daughter got an  in an open book test. Yes, you read that right, OPEN BOOK!!! I was volunteering in her classroom today and her teacher told me she could re-do the test tomorrow, so great, I said, we'll go home and we'll study all day. Mind you, she had 2 homework passes so she used one yesterday and one she wanted to use today, in her mind, she would come home, drop her stuff off and would run to her friend's house to play, but mean mamma (me) had other plans...

Her mind was elsewhere, my mind was going 100000 times/minute.

She wouldn't concentrate, I'd get more and more upset. Until after a lot of shouting (yes, I shouted, get over it, I told you I'm a bad mum), but by the end of the afternoon, she knew her stuff, although she still couldn't tell me the name of the water that comes down from the sky, this is how much she was not concentrating!

At night, before her shower, she told me she needed to speak with me in private (it's too soon for this, I thought), then she told me that when she has open book tests she feels like she is cheating. She wants to think for herself and not depend on books to know the answer... yes, my lovely daughter said that, isn't she the cutest? I love her so much! I kissed her and said, how her thoughts are correct and very right, but I also told her to grab onto that opportunity of an open book test, they don't come often, otherwise she'd only be cheating herself.

All is good again... until the next screw up (mine, of course).

2014-06-13 19.46.39