This is how I felt today and how I feel many times over during this motherhood thing. Today's episode was that my daughter got an in an open book test. Yes, you read that right, OPEN BOOK!!! I was volunteering in her classroom today and her teacher told me she could re-do the test tomorrow, so great, I said, we'll go home and we'll study all day. Mind you, she had 2 homework passes so she used one yesterday and one she wanted to use today, in her mind, she would come home, drop her stuff off and would run to her friend's house to play, but mean mamma (me) had other plans...
Her mind was elsewhere, my mind was going 100000 times/minute.
She wouldn't concentrate, I'd get more and more upset. Until after a lot of shouting (yes, I shouted, get over it, I told you I'm a bad mum), but by the end of the afternoon, she knew her stuff, although she still couldn't tell me the name of the water that comes down from the sky, this is how much she was not concentrating!
At night, before her shower, she told me she needed to speak with me in private (it's too soon for this, I thought), then she told me that when she has open book tests she feels like she is cheating. She wants to think for herself and not depend on books to know the answer... yes, my lovely daughter said that, isn't she the cutest? I love her so much! I kissed her and said, how her thoughts are correct and very right, but I also told her to grab onto that opportunity of an open book test, they don't come often, otherwise she'd only be cheating herself.
All is good again... until the next screw up (mine, of course).